A flashback from my first Ayahuasca journey
She came to visit me again last night… my hallucinogenic mistress.
I had forgotten that I had asked her to come over but she has a better memory than I do apparently. I had wanted to go on a trip, a journey as I entered the new year/decade. I had wanted to have visions to help inspire a more conscious, awake and loving experience of this new decade. Especially considering that it may be the last decade of it’s kind considering the quick approach of 2012… more on that another time.
A while after falling asleep I laid in my bed and began to have visions. I was able to see what was around me, though my eyes were closed. I saw the roof, the wall and the sounds. As soon as I had the realization that I was seeing, the vision began to blur. The sights melted into the landscape of my consciousness which I fail to find any words adequate to describe. Though I do know that it was both beautiful and scary at the same time.
The visions began to melt quickly into one another and the only thing that remained constant was my awareness that Ayahuasca had returned. I thought to myself, “Did I take something. I don’t remember taking anything.” I felt the need to figure out what was happening so, with great force, I peeled my eyes open. And there I stared at a the roof as it swirled and danced in front of my now, open eyes. I told it to stop moving so I could grasp onto what was happening. She listened. The swirls of vision and sound wisped away and the roof went back to normal. At the same time I realized what was happening and wished I hadn’t forced myself out of the experience.
I found myself almost completely covered with cats. Tried to move them so that my body could move as I went back into my trip. I tried with all my effort to move them and nothing seemed to work. I figured that must be part of my trip so I gave up and went back to bed. As my eyes closed, the richness of feelings and visions began to start swirling back into and out of my consciousness. Most of which happened so quickly that I couldn’t grasp onto them to identify what they were. But I knew that wasn’t all that important. This was one of the most lucid dreaming experiences I’ve ever had. I was fully awake and aware then entire time that I was asleep. If one of the cats moved I could tell and their movement became incorporated into my visions. At times I felt physically restricted by the cats laying on me and my visions would morph accordingly; with the colors becoming darker reds, browns and blacks and the landscape becoming smaller. Other times I would find a position that was more comfortable and the landscape would become more expansive and blue skies would melt into my vision.
I slipped into the dream world a few times where I became only an observer and was no longer orchestrating the experience. Then, I would become aware that I wasn’t aware and I would become pseudo in control again. I was never fully in control. It was like a 50/50 business partnership between me and Ayahuasca. I could make suggestions as to what I wanted to happen but if we didn’t both agree it was going no where. A few times we got tied up in arbitration… trying to figure out what to do with my consciousness. She wanted to swirl – I wanted to explore. We usually couldn’t decide so I had to become like Lewis and Clark, exploring the unknown. Traveling across great plains of melting landscape where the sky, at times, would just cease to exist and then would re-appear under me.
It was a beautiful journey through space, time and other dimensions that I lack the hallucinogenic maturity to identify.
I think I like this state, but then I again I’m not entirely sure who I am when I go there so maybe that’s just the feeling that she chooses to give me. Either way, I look forward to the next episode of… “Lewis and Clark. The great journey that leads to nowhere – everywhere”
Until next time this is your narrator signing off.
