My experience during a pannick attack
Today has been a bad day! It’s been raining all day. I don’t mean the sweet, wet rain that trickles down and leaves the air fresh and beautiful. I mean a rain of emotions flowing rampantly through me taking my psyche in any which direction it wishes. I feel surges of pain, guilt, terror moving through me, ultimately landing in my chest, making my heart feel like it might stop beating.
It feels as though I have no control over this other than the choice to be conscious and watch as I disintegrate or the choice to numb out and hope that, like most other things, this too shall pass.
Intellectually I understand that this is nothing more than a simple case of cause and effect. That I am feeling the effect of spending the last couple years living in a way that required great deals of repression. And that soon enough my emotional state will catch up to the new way I’m living and I will begin to pull out of this phase. But, in the meantime, I am having a bad day!
